So Small
by SarahKaitlyn
Summary: Songfic. How Ziva decides whether she wants to be NCIS or Mossad. Tag to Truths and Consequences and Reunion previews. SPOILERS! Better than it sounds, I promise. Mild TIVA if you look for it.


**Don't worry, I'm still working on "One Too Many," I just had to do this. It's kind of a tag to Truth and Consequences and the previews for Reunion.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "So Small" besides buying it on iTunes, and I most definitely do not own NCIS**



_What you got if you ain't got love?_

_The kind that you just want to give away_

_It's okay to open up _

_Go ahead and let the light shine through_

Things were different in Israel. You watched out for each other because if a team member died it meant the enemy had won. But in NCIS, they watched out for each other because they cared. If a team member died, they felt broken inside. She had though it was a weakness, the way they broke when Special Agent Todd died. When had she changed her mind?

_I know it's hard on a rainy day_

_You wanna shut the world out  
And just be left alone  
But don't run out on your faith_

All she had thought about in Somalia was them. Tony, Gibbs, Abby, Ducky, McGee, even Palmer. She tried to convince herself that she was better off without them, that they were better off without her. But it didn't work.

_'Cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing  
Is just a grain of sand  
And what you've been out there searching for forever  
Is in your hands_  
_And when you figure out  
Love is all that matters after all  
It sure makes everything else  
Seem so small  
_

When they rescued her, she said she wished it hadn't been them to find her. But she had known that no one else was going to go looking. Her father would mourn her, but he was not going to scour the Earth looking for her. She should have realized NCIS would. And somehow, as much as she tried to deny it, when she saw Tony's face, the months of torture seemed to lose their importance.

_It's so easy to get lost inside  
A problem that seems so big at the time  
It's like a river that's so wide  
It swallows you whole_

Tony killed Michael. She kept reminding herself about what he had done. Tony refused to be with her, but killed the man she had chosen to love instead. Love… did she love Michael? She wasn't sure. But it stopped seeming important when she saw Tony sitting across from her, tied to a chair, his lips ripped in the same places as hers. He got himself attacked twice for her. Why was she so upset that he knew how to protect himself from a drunken assassin? She would have done the same thing.

_While you're sitting around thinking 'bout what you can't change  
And worrying about all the wrong things  
Time's flying by, moving so fast  
You better make it count 'cause you can't get it back_

But it seemed so monumental, Tony killing Michael. Like he refused to let her be happy. But it wasn't true. He wasn't thinking about her when he shot him. He was thinking about not being stabbed with a chunk of glass. But why was she still thinking about this? Whenever they beat her, tricked her, raped her, all she could think about was that Tony killed Michael. Months were gone, months wasted in this prison, months wasted mourning the unchangeable past.  
_  
Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing  
Is just a grain of sand  
And what you've been out there searching for forever  
Is in your hands  
And then you figure out  
Love is all that matters after all  
It sure makes everything else  
Oh, it sure makes everything else  
Seem so small_

Now she was home. No, wait, was she? Was D.C. home? Because that was the question, that had been the question all along. Not this Tony/Michael nonsense, that was the physicality of her DC/Israel dilemma. But when Abby hugged her, she realized it was never even DC/Israel, but NCIS/Mossad. And NCIS found her. NCIS refused to leave her 'death' unavenged. NCIS was her family. It wasn't the place; it was the people that mattered all along.

"We were a team. I would like that again."



**One more day!! Okay, breathe, breathe, we can do this.**

**Leave a review if you have time, it would be most appreciated.**


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